The Day My Anger Couldn't Find Me.

This story, while miraculous, is also quite personal and it takes a bit of vulnerability on my part to share it.

I was having trouble with being triggered by things that were bringing up a lot of very intense old anger, anger from things that happened more than 20 years ago. I had been through years of therapy, and nothing seemed to help. In general, I am a pretty calm and happy person, but it was very troubling when one little trigger could through me off for hours.

So, I sat on the little wooden bench in Don Francisco’s home and asked in desperation if there was anything he could do to help me deal with my anger.

His simple question in response was shocking. I mean shocking.

“Well, do you want to just forget?”

What did that even mean? Forget the things that made me angry?

Wow does that bring up a lot of questions. Does that mean he will wipe my memory, and I will forget that entire time of my life?

No, he assured me, I would only forget the things that were being triggered, the horrible things, the things that after 20 years still made my blood boil.

How was that even possible? Did that mean he could isolate memories and remove them?

This is another level. This is a magic that didn’t even seem possible and, in all honesty, seemed a bit frightening and maybe even dangerous. What if he accidentally wiped-out whole periods of my life and I could ever retrieve those memories again?

I was a bit uncomfortable to say the least.

Nevertheless, by this time I had known this amazing healer for years and I trusted him with my life. So, I agreed.

This was NOT your run of the mill limpia (cleansing)

I sat on the little wooden stool with incense beneath me and clouds of copla smoke billowing up around me. Don Francisco took a bunch of sip che (a traditional local plant) and sprinkled it with rum that the shaman stone (sastun) had been soaking in. He held the sastun on my head and began the usually tapping, praying, and cleaning.

He was intense in his prayers, and I felt something powerful stirring inside of me. It was like the old anger had a life of its own. It had someone become a living entity.

And it did not want to die!

It was all I could do to keep myself sitting on that stool. Every part of my wanted to run. There was a very real battle going on. The anger was fighting for its life, and I could feel it intensely! It that moment I felt/could see/understand something important. The anger had become an entity. Over time it had been allowed to live in my memories. I had fed it by giving it attention and had grown into something with a consciousness of its own. It felt a sense of self-preservation, and it didn’t want to die! (I have since helped other people move through similar situations where powerful emotions have taken on a sense of consciousness/a need for self-preservation) If I did not have such a close and trusting relationship with Don Francisco, I would have gotten up and been out the door in a heartbeat!

But I trust that man with my life.

So, even though the anger was panicking and doing everything it could to get me to get out of that room, I forced myself to sit there until he was finished.

In all honesty, other than the intensity of his prayers, there wasn’t much of anything that seemed different about the things he did in the limpa (cleansing/healing ritual)  And when he finished he told me the change would be so slow I would hardly notice it, but that I would think less and less about the old triggers, the things that made me angry. He said they would just slowly fade away until I could barely recall them.

Well . . .

Here is what happened next.

I thanked him, hugged him and gave him a lovely offering for his work (we always give offerings) And then I went out into the sunshine in the center of the family compound.

Well of course, the very first thing that happened was that one of those old angry memories tried to pop in and disturb things. After all, I had been focusing a lot on those feelings and so it was only natural that my mind would drift back to them.

But…. Even though Don Francisco said the forgetting would take time, I noticed a powerful change immediately.

It’s a bit hard to describe. So, I am going to tell you like it happened, a conversation in my head.

First thing is that something that made me angry pops into my head. And then I think, “I still can't believe that that guy….” And then my thought is cut off because I notice a butterfly. “Oh look, there’s a butterfly!” and I try to bring my attention back to think thing that made me angry because it feels important, the unjustness of it, and my mind thinks, “yeah, but you need to pay attention to this, what happened was really . . . “ and my thought is interrupted again, “Hey look, that is a blue morpho butterfly, Oh I love the color, its so pretty!”

And in that manner, it is like someone closed the door to my ability to focus on the thing that made me angry. It almost instantly because almost impossible for me to hold my attention on it.

It felt like something else was in my mind, gently but very firmly turning my attention to something good. I could FEEL the something other….I could fell the force that was redirecting my attention almost like it was not part of me (the force).

We left that day and went back too Puerto Morelos, and the more time that passed the less and less the anger producing thoughts even popped into my head, but right from the first moment, could not hold my attention on them.

This, to me, is one of the most powerful events I have seen occur at the compassionate and healing hand of Don Francisco.

And since then, by using the amulet he gave me, I have been able to reproduce the effect with other thought patterns!

Wow…. Mind blown

Laura